Let me start with a little back story/context...the below preview is not intended with any ill intent and is first and foremost a joke. Secondly, GordonP and I know each other in real life. He's a friend and more specifically my girlfriends brother...as such I see it as my civic duty to own him repeatedly both verbally and madenally (pronounced mah-din-uh-lee).
Press conference: Detroit Lions Head Coach: Cobbs
Press: Coach, you've got to see this season as a let down so far at 6-7 but you've put together three wins in a row. If your Overtime game against the Panthers went the other way you might be one game back. You still have an outside chance at your division so just how much preperation have you put into this game against the Raiders?
Head Coach Cobbs: Well, I'll be honest...it's odd to have a bye week this late in the season but to get a win at the same time?! That's unheard of! We're going to enjoy our rest and begin to gameplan for our week 16 matchup with the Chargers.
Press: ....Coach, are you comparing your game to the Raiders with a bye week? Surely you're joking...this is probably your most important game of the year
HCC: Ok, well you're right. Technically we do have to play a game but important? Nah. It's a stat game. We're budgeting for about 700 yards of offense. We'll divide up the yardage in 100 yd clips between the offense. Maybe a rock paper scissors tournament. We'll figure it out. That will probably be the toughest part of the week.
Press: Coach...I...are you holding a flask? Whatever, it doesn't matter. Coach, the Raiders are 10-2. In terms of record, they are a vastly superior team. You can't possibly be arrogant enough to think you can choose your statistics for the game...
HCC: Listen...let's get one thing straight...I simply refuse to take Gordon seriously. I mean, if we played in the AFC and threw to our running back 25 times a game, we'd probably be undefeated. I mean let's face it, I could go out there myself, take snaps under center and quickly hit a pass in the flats. So that's really our underlying theme this week, all around disrespect.
Press: If you say so Coach. So are you working on anything in practice? Are you practicing at all?
HCC: Oh of course, don't be ridiculous. We're working on helmet-to-helmet hits. We have the team doctor holding meetings. He's diagramming the various ligaments of the knee. Turns out the MCL can be torn just as badly as the ACL. Did you know there is such thing as a PCL? We actually have a life size dummy of Darren McFadden we're practicing on. One of the guys actually shot it...I found it unnecessary but if it works in the game, I won't be complaining...Lol
Press: I hate that you just said "Lol" coach. Well I guess I'll bite, do you want to give us a prediction for this Sunday?
HCC: Well it's a sim league, so I have to keep that in mind. That's why I set some money aside to bribe the commissioner out of giving me a strike. I think the 100 barrier is a very real possibility. Don't get me wrong, I think Gordon P will get his points. Not because he's good of course. We will probably attempt some laterals, our kicker might get some touches. There will be shenanigans, oooooh will there ever. Let's go conservative and say 117-9. Well guys I want to thank you for your time. I have to run and get some booze for the pre-game.
Subject: Oakland Raiders vs. Detroit Lions Preview (Bitter grudge match) 
Fri Oct 21, 2011 4:23 pm
